i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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