were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
only if we run a train.
done.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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