Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
What drink are we having for lunch?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
