What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
