bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
