you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
