I think my fart just growled at me.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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