Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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