he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
