You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you win again, gameday.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
