Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
