never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
