hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Randomize
