Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
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He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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