its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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