She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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