just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
being pregnant is like rehab
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
