Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
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Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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