I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
