so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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