Swine flu. Run for my life!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize