I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
