I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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