They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
