I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You are a booty call, not a friend.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
