I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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