I think I died a long time ago.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
This is my gift to your gina
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
