Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
