Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
