It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
