His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I wish there were birth control emojis
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
