so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think I died a long time ago.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
