Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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