so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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