I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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