Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
