I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
