Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
