just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
