I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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