And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
