I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
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toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
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As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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