I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
