if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I have demons in me.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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