Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
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A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
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I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.