i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward