i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
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Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm getting married
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sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.