My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
