Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better