The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
