now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
