This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
