Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
