I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
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