She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I need moral support for this bender
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
