dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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