I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
