Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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