somebody snuck up and got me drunk
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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