I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
