I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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