kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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