I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
