is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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