at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
