Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
