i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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