suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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