im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
