Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
