Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
