I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
